USAwsome

This evening Picard maneuver watched some TV together. Not in a gay way. Just some episodes of “The Hills” and stuff like that, of course. But there was one thing that we knew we couldn’t keep to ourselves. We needed to share with the world.

For you local Burbank and Glendale residents, turn your cable TV dial (the knob, not the soap) to channel 27, and you will find the greatest thing to hit TV since Keifer Sutherlands foot in his annual Christmas Tree and TV kicking festival (You won’t regret it: CLICK HERE ).

Channel 27 in LA is now: USArmenia.

It doesn’t end there..

USArmenia is, according to their official website, “509 Bandwidth Limit Exceeded. The server is temporarily unable to service your request due to the site owner reaching his/her bandwidth limit. Please try again later”. I know, sounds like a boring show too me too. But then again, I don’t speak very good Armenian- I’m curentally having it traslated.

They do however have a new website where you can find information called: www.USATV.com (not to be confused with www.USANETWORK.com, or www.CRAP.com)

But if you tune into USArmenia, you will find the greatest show ever. It’s called “The same exact 12 second logo rotating continuously, followed by Armenian announcer yelling at you”. Ben Stiller is working on the feature film remake as we speak.

After the 12 second logo (reminiscent of the old “CBS Movie of the Week” bumper, but with more Humus on it), there are 6 different promos for shows played, which I can only assume from the production quality, ARE the shows themselves. There is no way anybody spent money to make the actual full shows. There preveiws are too good on their own. The show about a guy making out with his girlfriend on the beautiful Brazil beach known as “Green Screen” before guys with moustaches try to stab him was my personal favorite… Actually, that was all of the shows. Then again, who am I to judge? American TV has Tyra Banks.

After the preview is donethe whole process repeats again, while the Announcer yells at us some more.

Upon seeing this Mike and I immediately called the USAmenia TV headquarters (right here in Burbank! How lucky! It’s like living next to a historical monument, like Pearl Harbor or Hiroshima!). I, no joke, left a 5 minutes message begging them to never change their programming, no matter how pesky those people at the USA network may be while they are suing them After all, this is America, and no one will ever be able to understand you USArmenia! You can’t be punished for what you never heard!

Picard Maneuver has decided this was a very good day for TV TV. There is finally a network that can follow in the footsteps of the great TV shows that went before it, like “Blue Collar TV”.

--Adam