The Real Reason Kirk Hated Khan: A Tribute

JANUARY 2009- Ricardo Montalbán, the Man who gave birth to the Star Trek character "Khan", sadly passed away this week. In tribute, Picard Maneuver, brings you the REAL story of how Captain James T. Kirk and Khan meet. Enjoy.

Originally Kirk and Khan meet back in community college while they were both working at the same Starbucks—which in the future wasn’t a coffee shop, but actually just a clever pun for a Credit Union located on the moon.

Anyway, back in those days Kirk was known to be quite the ladies man. Women would walk into the Starbucks where James Kirk was working and immediately take of their clothes as they saw him. And if their species didn’t wear clothes, they would put some clothes on then immediately beam them back off.

Khan, on the other hand, had a tough time with the ladies. Especially since there was always a midget following him around proclaiming "Da plane! Da plane!"

One Tuesday afternoon Kirk and Khan were both working an afternoon shift at their Starbucks, when the most beautiful girl in the galaxy walked in. Kirk didn’t waste a moment as he began wooing her Starfleet issued unitard right off. Khan was very jealous, but new he would wait for the right moment too steal her from Kirk.

Suddenly James turned to Khan. "Connie," he stared. Khan hated it when Kirk called him that, "could you please hand me a W2 form for this lovely little super nova?"

Then Khan slowly said, "No kahn do, Kirk."

Completely amazed and totally sexually aroused by Khan’s clever pun (as every girl should be), the girl jumped into Khan’s arms and began kissing him passionately. They left the Starbucks Credit Union that afternoon, and Khan didn’t see Kirk again till they meet on the Enterprise… and then a few months later at their very awkward class reunion.

You will be missed Ricardo Montalbán. You will always be (pause) my friend.